How to train your partner
When we come together in relationship we will do anything we can to win our new partner over. After the relationship seasons a little and life happens we forget that we want to make our partner happy and get caught up in doing things “our way.” This often leads to dissatisfaction on the other hand. If your partner is doing something or not doing something and you would like a change, here is a good way to go about it.
- Be teachable and cooperate. This especially applies to men. Men think they have to know everything and if they don’t it is somehow an affront to their masculinity. Ignorance disguised as male pride. So guys if you really want to have a great relationship and a great sex life, you have to let her teach you how she wants to be made love to. That also applies to how she wants to be treated in the relationship. The woman’s part in this is to not put him down or make him wrong. Instead praise him for every little bit of progress he makes. Encouragement goes a lot further than criticism. Set up training session so you can experiment with different techniques and try out new things.
- Training sessions are just that. A practice session where it is okay to make mistakes. Be sure you both know that this is just practice and it doesn’t have to be perfect. Before long the practice will become pleasurable.
- Begin the session by asking her if there is anything you do that hurts her or that she doesn’t like. Then ask her what her preferences are. Once she has explained her situation you can tell her what you would like and see if she is agreeable.
- When the practice begins use this three step process to request a change.
- Acknowledge what they are doing – “What you are doing is nice. Thank you.”
- Request a change – “Would you mind doing it a (little slower/softer/higher).”
- Thank them for making a change –“That feels better, thanks. or That’s fantastic. Don’t stop!”
- Repeat until you get it exactly how you like it. Always acknowledging them for what they are doing and how much you appreciate their willingness to make you happy.
- Debriefing. After the session is over you might want to take some time of tea or coffee to talk about how the session was for each of you. It helps build trust and intimacy.