Things to know when you’re over 50
- What Is Andropause?
Andropause is the result of the natural slow, steady decline of testosterone (T). After the age of 30, T goes down by 1%-2% a year, so that by the time a man is 50, he has 20-40% less. At 60, there’s 30%-60% less, etc. Depending on how much he was genetically endowed with, that can make a greater or lesser impact on him. Thus, everything T influences can also be reduced to a greater or less degree including his sex drive, energy, self-confidence and ambition. This is when a guy can start having problems getting an erection, staying hard, feeling fatigued, depressed or irritable, gaining weight and losing muscle mass. Obviously, this can also be worrisome to the women in their lives.
- What Is Menopause?
Menopause is the day one year after a woman stops getting her period. Postmenopause is what happens for the rest of her life. The average age in the U.S. is 51.The 2-10 years leading up to the day her menses stand still, is called peri (around) menopause. During this transitional time, a woman’s ovaries are slowing down and her estrogen and progesterone production, yoyos up and down. The result is that most, but not all women, get an assortment of unwelcome symptoms, varying from mild to severe. The short list includes hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, mood swings, depression, hostility, anxiety, fuzzy brains and memory lapses. Sexually, there can be vaginal dryness, which makes intercourse painful, or a sudden lack of interest altogether.The hormonal ups and downs stop with menopause, but a woman’s symptoms may or may not. Her ovaries are now only producing a minimal amount of estrogen and progesterone and her brain and body need them. Many women replace their hormones or find alternatives to help them, but others just soldier on as best they can.
- Some Challenges You Might Face
Not to be discouraging, but as you can see or are actually experiencing, andropause and menopause can create new challenges for singles and couples. You may have to deal with some emotional and physical symptoms, as well as new sexual problems. We’ve seen couples where it’s too painful for the women to have sex or they have completely lost interest in it. On the other hand, there are couples where the women are more sexual than ever and their mates lose their ability to get an erection or become disinterested. That’s very difficult for a couple where the sex has been good, or at least available. Health issues and the medications that are prescribed for them also can affect quality of life and sexual connection. Aside from hormone-related issues, older couples may have to deal with the financial stresses of not being able to retire or not having enough savings at retirement, and conflicts on what to do and how to live.
- It’s Always Something!
You never stop facing fresh challenges or going through new phases of life. As you reach 50 and beyond, it becomes clear you are in new territory–again. If you’re single, you have to figure out who you are now and what you now need. If you’re in a relationship, that also includes who your partner has become and what your partner now needs.Andropause and peri and postmenopause play a big role in the transformations you and your partner are experiencing. It is immensely important to understand these seasons of your lives and to get the tools to navigate their sometimes rough weather.
- What Women Need To Know About Men Over 50
- Men’s testosterone levels are decreasing, and depending on their age and their testosterone levels to begin with, testosterone can diminish to a low level.
- All the characteristics associated with testosterone can lessen–including their energy, motivation, risk-taking and sex drive.
- There can be an increase in sexual problems, including difficulties getting and keeping erections, having orgasms and fatigue during sex.
- Or their sex drive could be alive and well. If you want or are considering having sex, you need to talk to your potential lover as find out what’s happening with him sexually to make sure you are compatible.
- Their lower testosterone levels could make them more interested in foreplay, communication and bonding, which can draw you closer.
- They may be sensitive about their appearance
- They may have health issues.
- If they are healthy and active, they want a partner with whom they can share and active life.
- They’ve lived longer, have more experience, could be eager to connect and able to be a better mate than when they were young
- What Men Need To Know About Women Over 50
- Menopause affects every woman differently. Your date may or may not have various symptoms, including hot sweats, mood swings, anxiety or depression, forgetfulness and sexual issues.
- If they are not using either hormone or testosterone replacement therapy, their greatly diminished estrogen and testosterone can cause:
- A low or no sex drive
- A dry vagina that makes sex painful
- Decreased pleasure, sensitivity and an inability to orgasm
- If they are using these therapies, they could have a healthy sex drive and response.
- Some women have a healthy sex drive and response even without any replacement therapies.
- Some women have a higher sex drive after menopause, feel more pleasure than ever and want a partner who will satisfy them. Whether you are interested in sex or not, you need to find out what your date wants and make sure you are compatible.
- They are often more independent, curious, eager to try new things and want a partner who is able to create an active life.
- They know themselves and their needs better and are more no-nonsense than when they are younger.
- They may have health issues.
- They’ve lived longer, have more experience, could be eager to connect and able to be a better mate than when they were young.
- What Do Boomers And Seniors Need To Know About Dating?
The need for love, companionship, and connection is enduring. Many boomers and seniors find himself or herself single due to “gray divorce” or the death of a mate. So why not reach out and create a fulfilling relationship? And sizzling sex if you want it? What’s stopping you? Some reasons are:
- Thinking it’s too late to find a loving partner
- Thinking you look old and unattractive, and no one will want you
- Being turned off by past relationships
- Thinking relationships are too much trouble
- Being worried that your health issues will turn your partner off
- Not wanting to take care of someone with health issues
- Thinking sex issues due to aging will turn your partner off
We’re here to tell you that there is someone for everyone. Judith met Frank when she was 60 and he was 69. About a year later, she had cancer and he was by her side throughout very harsh chemo treatment. She lost all her hair, and went down to 93 pounds. Needless to say, she was not at her attractive best. Yet, here they are today, sharing their lives, loving each other and helping each other and, hopefully, you to grow.
Whatever your age or your reasons are for being single, you’re older and smarter and more capable than you ever were of picking a good partner and making a relationship work. The more you know, the better equipped you are to find Mr. or Ms. Right.
- Boomer And Senior Sex
Frank and Judith were enthusiastic participants in the sexual revolution of the 60’s. Women got birth control and decided they were entitled to enjoy sex and have orgasms; men got more willing, experimental partners who would have sex before marriage and who didn’t wear bras. Now many of our generation and the ones that followed are of a “certain age” and see no reason not to connect and enjoy sex as long as they are able to. It turns out that many are active as long as there’s breath on the mirror. Others may:
- Lose desire
- Have problems performing
- Not enjoy the pleasure they as they once did
- May be suffering from the symptoms of andropause
- May be suffering from the symptoms of postmenopause
- May be suffering from the illnesses associated with the changes of life
- Have other physical disabilities that come with aging
- Be taking medicines that inhibit sex
So sex for lovers 50+ is a mixed bag: each person and couple is different.
While those who are dating still have the option of choosing a new partner who is sexually compatible, those in a long-term relationship may have to face the painful truth that their lover’s physical reality has changed. Viagra and Cialis, testosterone replacement therapy–for both males and females–and estrogen and progesterone replacement for women or alternative medicine remedies might help. We sometimes find that partners haven’t exhausted their possibilities and have given up. We believe that it’s vital to work through this crisis and figure out how you can still bond, be intimate and deepen your connection to each other.
Even when both partners are sexually interested and active, they may have to make adjustments. This is a time for honest, compassionate communication, flexibility and creativity. We can attest that many couples have the best sex of their lives. They have the experience and they’ve forged a lasting bond of friendship, tolerance and love. The change in their hormones has lessened the sense of urgency and they can take the time to enjoy the sensuality and the deep, intimate connection.
- Sex Tips for Seniors
- Schedule sex. Have a time when you know you will get together to have sex. It may not involve full on genital intercourse, but it will involve naked touching and perhaps manual or oral play.
- Use Oxytocin. The bonding hormone can help lead to arousal for both men and women. Generate oxytocin by touching. Massage, stroking each other’s bodies, kissing all create oxytocin
- Experiment with ideas you have wanted to try for a long time but never had the chance. Now’s the time. What have you got to lose? Try bondage, role playing, outdoor sex, or whatever you can think of.
- Try specific practices. Do eye gazing. Dance naked. Notice positions that your body might not like anymore. Find the ones that give you the best connection. Notice that it is now the connection that brings the deepest satisfaction.
- Create rituals. Have some practices that you do that help set the stage for a sensuous, loving experience. It may be some conversation followed by a special way you disrobe for each other. Some do naked calisthenics. Some dance together.