Seniors — Dating Over 50
Dating in the second half of our lives can be challenging. We bring all the old relationship wounds into the game with us and that can make it harder to open up to new partners. Being able to look at our relationship history and our beliefs about relationship can give us a new perspective on the dating and mating endeavor. It’s important to differentiate whether one is dating for recreation or dating to mate. Dating for fun is whatever you want it to be. Dating to mate is an involved process that must be done carefully to produce the desired results, a fulfilling, loving relationship that lasts.
- It’s important to look at past relationships and see what patterns have emerged. Then look at how to deal with old patterns and created strategies to bring more rewarding results. Then generate a scientific and organized approached to finding the relationship you dream of.
- Before even beginning the dating process look at what your requirements, needs and wants are. The requirements are the things we must have, or not have in a relationship. If a requirement is not met, it is a deal breaker. Attempts to sustain a relationship with a missing requirement will not work. Needs are things that we want to have but are negotiable. There are functional needs and emotional needs. Wants are like the icing on the cake. Nice to have, but we can get along without them.
- Once the requirements, needs and wants identified, create the profile of what the ideal mate would be like. We are not talking about physical appearance, rather we are talking about characteristics and traits that we would like to have in a partner.
- With those factors in mind, one is ready to begin the dating process. This process involves a sequence of scouting, sorting, screening, and testing. Scouting is the process of finding someone to meet. Sorting is determining quickly if there is enough in common to pursue getting to know them. Screening is collecting information about whether your requirements would be met. Testing is making sure.
- One needs an attraction plan, that helps focus where you will, scout. One must have a level of social effectiveness that will allow them to do the necessary screening and sorting. Picking attraction venues that go from generic singles events, to special interest groups, (skiers, movie buffs, foodies), or highly aligned communities like churches, social activists, political or spiritual organizations, help in the scouting process. On-line dating may or may not be effective.
- Having a team that supports the process makes things easier. Poll your intimates, friends, family and acquaintances to help you find prospects. Go out with a friend, a wingman, on scouting missions. Debrief each other after each sortie.
- Pre-commitment phase. During the opening romantic phase of a relationship, the hormones and chemistry can cloud our thinking because everything is sooo passionate. It takes some time for the chemical imbalance to wear off so you can find out what each other is really like.
- Guys have to know that it is ultimately the woman who does the choosing. However the guy still has to make to approach. She won’t choose someone who doesn’t ask to be chosen.
- Some things to consider while dating: be honest and authentic, don’t play games. Let the other person know you are available. If the other person is not interested, move on. If you seeking a relationship be sure you are ready for one. Have your life in order. All this being said, one has to be the right partner to find the right partner. Knowing who you are and what you want in your life is what you bring to relationship. Without doing the work to know those things you aren’t bringing your whole self to the party.
Remember, you have to know how the airplane works or you could crash. If you don’t know how you work and how your partner works, you could crash.