Re-inventing Your Relationship Over 50
As we age our hormone production changes and with it our bodies and our thinking. Knowing how those changes affect our behavior will go a long way toward smoothing out aging relationships. Here are some key topics.
- With the kids out of the house, the nature of the marriage will change. Some couples flow into this period without making plans or considering the wonderful possibilities available to them. This is a perfect opportunity to create new and exciting relationship that will take you way into your retirement years with lots of fun and enlivening ways to love each other. Relationship can be considered a spiritual practice and as such can bring both partners to a deep and fulfilling life.
- Creating a new relationship vision is the best place to start. It’s important to take a fresh look at all aspects of the relationship: financial, domestic, romantic, recreation, etc. a good practice is for each partner to put down the things the way they see them and then compare notes. Try to balance the wants a desires of each of you. We review our relationship vision twice a year.
- Reevaluating the financial situation is a very important place to start. Changes in domestic arrangements, such as different living quarters, may affect the financial picture as well. Plans for retirement should be evaluated, whether or not to spend their inheritance. Working together on this creates a conscious team effort with a common goal in sight.
- Sometimes it’s helpful to review our beliefs about relationships and reassess what works and what doesn’t work. Looking at our relationship history often provides valuable clues to how we have dealt with relationship in the past and guide post for things we may want to avoid in the future as well as the things we want to be sure to include in our new concept of relationship. Roles may change. Men may find themselves working less and the woman working more. Old rules we may have had in relationship might not work as well anymore.
- Even though sexual desire may not be as strong as it was in younger times, the pleasure derived from sex remains high. With more time available, this is a good time to find new ways to be romantic. Creating romance in the new relationship vision is fun and exciting. Share fantasies with each other. Find books to read about the things you like to do and exchange notes. Keep an open mind and don’t be quick to judge.
- Planning recreation that involves just the two of you can be almost as pleasurable as the recreation itself. It doesn’t have to involve expensive trips. Talk about the places you’d like to go and what you’d like to see. Taking classes together builds connection and intimacy.
- Intimacy becomes the foundation of relationship as a spiritual practice. When we see deeply into each other we become more connected to our spiritual selves and the world in general. Telling each other all the things you love and all the things you fear can only deepen intimacy. Asking for what we want 100% of the time, being willing to take no for an answer and being agreeable to negotiate the difference is a great tool.
- Having a community of friends and planning activities with them can be exciting and give you both something to work on together. It’s also important to have some purpose outside of yourselves to focus on. You can do it together or each have their own. Charity work can be very inspiring.
- Staying physically fit should be a part of your relationship plan. It will keep you healthy and going and pay dividends in the bedroom. Taking long walks together, and exploring nature are both energizing.
- Creating a great second half of a marital partnership can more exciting and fulfilling than the first half. Both are now old enough to know what they really want and have the courage to ask for it and expect it to be given.
Remember, you have to know how the airplane works or you could crash. If you don’t know how you work and how your partner works, you could crash.