Creating intimacy in relationship
Intimacy goes way beyond sex. In to me you see is another way of putting it. The deeper you can get into your partner the more powerful your relationship will be. Using the strategy we have here is a great way to overcome hesitancy in sharing deep issues.
1. Rituals are a great way to deepen intimacy. Start off in the morning by telling each other the things you love about each other. It gets repetitive but the idea is thee you are renewing your connection to each other. It doesn’t matter what you say as long as it is loving and positive.
2. Check ins/Sit reps/ are ways of staying up with what’s going on with each other. For example, at the evening meal tell each other everything you did that day, in detail. Who you talked to, where you went and what you did. Team talks can be about some project or goal the two of you have set out.
3. Vision plan is an essential ingredient to a fulfilling relationship. It’s important to discuss what you both want for the life you lead together. Maybe it’s to raise kids, or travel the world, or make a contribution to the planet by some work that you do. It’s also important to talk about how you see your life developing. Where do you want to live; do you want children; how will you deal with friends and relatives; what standard of living do you want? These are some of the key issues that need to be in your relationship vision.
4. List likes and dislikes; best and worst experiences. These are things you want to know about your partner. The idea is not to pry but to open yourself to your partner so that you each both support each other when times get tough or when you are have disagreements you can get out of disharmony and into repair. It’s part of building trust which is what leads to real intimacy and sizzling sex.
5. Reading Sex and Relationship books and discussing them will open areas of new understanding for each of you. Often times reading a book will awaken a repressed fantasy that your partner may have been afraid to talk about for fear of being misunderstood. Perhaps you learn some new communication techniques that will smooth things out for you.
6. Sharing fantasies is a great way to really deepen intimacy. Often these fantasies are kept secret for fear of being judged, so the first rule of sharing fantasies is – no judgment. They are only fantasies and that doesn’t mean that they will ever be enacted. Knowing that can be very titillating and exciting.
7. A Relationship Diary or Journal is a wonderful record of how you are growing together. WE write in our Journal twice a year, on our anniversary and 6 months later. We put down all the things we would like to accomplish in the next six months and then review the past to see how far we’ve come on the goals we set the last time. We have our relationship vision there and record any major occurrences that have happened; trips we took, illnesses we’ve overcome.
8. Allowing space for each other is vital to sustaining intimacy. Enmeshment is not the goal here. She should have her friends and time with them just as he should have his friends and time with them. That makes the time together even sweeter.
9. Creating love is something you must do on a daily basis. Once the chemicals have worn off from new love it’s up to each of you to create the love anew. Find things that let the other person know that you love them deeply and that their happiness is so important to you.