Love exists only in the present moment. It comes from what you have been thinking or doing. You make up your mind to love or not to love on a moment to moment basis. You really can love whomever or whatever you decide you want to love. Love is given. It can not be demanded, coerced or bought.
You can learn to love yourself by loving another. When you love your partner, and she loves you back, it strengthens the neural network that says you are lovable. If you get enough of that love you will eventually come to truly love yourself. Then you are able to give yourself the love you want and in turn you can give her unconditional love. Eventually this can bring you to the stage where you now have the knowing that you are completely lovable and it no longer matters if she loves you. This makes the love between you even more powerful.
The difficulty is that many of us were conditioned not to love ourselves. As a child we were criticized and told many more times how wrong we were than we were told how right we were. We grew to think that we couldn’t be loved simply for who we were. This kept us from trusting in love itself. In not trusting love, we tend to live in fear, which represses love.
No one other human being is going to provide everything we want in a lover. You must be the lover of you.