When we ask a person to do something differently while we are making love, we have to be tactful or we may not get the result we want at all. If the request is not properly presented, it may cause anger, resentment or a feeling of inadequacy.

Here is a simple three step request process that works.

1.   Acknowledge what they are doing in positive terms. Say something like, “That feels nice.”

2.   Request the change you want. “Would you please ____ (move up, down, right, left, softer, harder, etc.)”

3.   Thank them. “Thank you. That feels great.”

If they don’t get it exactly the way you want it, just keep repeating the process until they do. Most of us want to make our partners happy, but either we think the way we are doing it is OK or we have some block to doing it the way they want. — Frank