The opening moves are almost always done silently, but even after speaking, pay careful attention to the other sensory cues, smell, vision, touch, and voice tone. How she moves, what facial expressions she has, what tone of voice she uses, how she postures. All this resonates deep in the psyche, far below the level of consciousness.

All of our facial expressions and posturing movements are stimulated by signals from the brain’s limbic system and the reptilian core. Remember, these are ancient parts of the brain that operate well below the level of consciousness. The reptilian brain is the ancient control center for most automatic body functions, including the beginnings of emotional response. The limbic brain monitors what’s going on externally and internally and makes them harmonious. The limbic brain controls the muscles. The face is the only place where the muscles connect directly to the skin.

That means that all the signals you are sending and receiving are coming from a deep place in your subconscious. The smiles or frowns,  the lifting of an eyebrow, the shrug of the shoulder, the turn away or toward, are all stimulated by a subconscious signal. These cues often affect us much more powerfully than what the other person might be saying.

When our limbic system gets in tune with another’s, there is a resonant phenomenon that allows us to connect on that subconscious level. Feelings can be contagious, while thoughts are not. Have your ever walked into a room where there was a person who was glowing with excitement. As you stayed in that person’s presence you felt your mood rise and enliven. Similarly when we are around someone who is deeply depressed, it is difficult not to become sucked down into that depression as well. This is limbic resonance.

All of this, in the attention phase, happens in the blink of an eye.