45+, Boomer & Senior Relationships
Frank and I are the “poster seniors” for 45+, boomer and senior relationships: we both were single and dated in our late 40’s and 50’s, met each other when I was 60 and he was 69, had a committed relationship for four years and married in 2008.
As a couple, we had to work through the regular man/woman, two-alien-beings-living-together conflicts, as well as face the many problems aging brings, such as health and hormonal issues. Fortunately for us, we have the knowledge and communication tools to weather the storms and to get closer, go deeper and create a rich, loving relationship.
In our modern society, people don’t “grow old “ together any more: they just “age” and keep on growing. A strong couple reaps the rewards of being truly bonded; they have companionship, fiercely watch out for each other’s health and well-being, support and enjoy each other. They’re able to do this because they’ve learned tolerance, appreciation and, since there are always things to work through, how to communicate to each other.
On the other hand, by this stage of life, one or both partners may not longer be able to accept a stagnant or hostile relationship. If the individuals aren’t motivated, don’t go to counseling, won’t change or learn new tools, they may be on their way to what is called “grey divorce” and to being single again.
45+, Boomer & Senior Divorce
Nowadays, a quarter of all divorces are from couples over 50. There aren’t any statistics for how many committed couples break up. Men be warned: 66% of these divorces are initiated by women. These older couples have had it because he or she:
- Was just waiting for the kids to go to college before ending it
- Knows their partner is cheating
- Finally has the courage to end a relationship that has been hostile, dysfunctional or dead for years
- Expects to live a longer life and can’t bear the thought of spending it with someone they don’t love or who treats them badly
- Feels suppressed by their partner or the relationship
- Was divorced before and isn’t reluctant to do it again. Having been divorced doubles the risk for those 50–64 and quadruples it for those 65+
Women And Divorce
We often see in counseling how peri and postmenopause change women. As their estrogen decreases, along with oxytocin (the bonding hormone), so does their patience with the status quo. They often don’t have the same drive to keep the family together, or to make everyone, including their kids, happy. Now they want to make themselves happy. They are also:
- More willing to be assertive
- Aren’t as interested in avoiding conflicts,
- Less tolerant of bad behavior towards them
- Can develop a new sense of purpose and direction
45+, Boomer & Senior Dating
Between divorce and widowhood, there is a sizable group men and women 45+ who are eager to create the best relationships of their lives. Case in point, dating websites to accommodate them have grown twice as fast as those for any other age group. Take a look at 45+, Boomer And Senior Dating for specific info on some of the challenges you might face. Also, see: Are You Single Aiming For Love? for more dating information.
So Here You Are
You are older, wiser, but you are different than your younger self. There’s some adjustment to do personally, and there’s some adjustment you need to do with your partner. If you want a happy, satisfying sex and relationship life, it will take all that maturity and wisdom you’ve gained from your experience, plus new understandings and skills.
We Can Help
We are experts on everything “grey” everything. Frank (link) specializes in helping men of all ages achieve sizzling sex and lasting relationships. CALL JUDITH OR FRANK at 310-393-3536 for the counseling or coaching you need to succeed.
Our manual, So That’s Why They Do That! Men, Women And Their Hormones gives you the key information and the tools to keep on growing. While there’s still a lot to learn about the genders in general, the andropause and peri and postmenopause chapters are just for you.