By Judith Claire
Having done love, sex and relationship counseling in Los Angeles for 34 years, I’m well aware of the conflicts married people have regarding sex. I also know the problems singles have. Usually, when a relationship is good, and couples can communicate , their sex life is rich, fulfilling and strengthens their love. This may seen like a fairy tale to couples whose relationship is in trouble and whose sex life has become non-existant. But truth be told, if couples are willing to work through their conflicts, they can have the best sex of their lives. Why can sex be so satisfying when you’re married?
1. Availability: You’re married. You don’t have to do online dating, kiss a million frogs, or worry about lies and STDs. Your lover is right there by your side and, lucky you, you can take advantage of it – which leads to…
2. Frequency: Married couples have more sex than singles. 40% make love twice a week, vs 20-25% of singles. 42% found their sex life emotionally and physically satisfied, compared to 30% of singles. Married men fared even better, with 49% emotionally and physically fulfilled compared with 38% of singles. And only 10% have a sexless marriage – defined as less than 10xs a year.
3. The main reason why married sex is hot is that you’re repeatedly having sex with someone you love. Loving sex is the most deeply satisfying sex there is.
4. We don’t make love just for the thrilling sensations. On a deeper level, we have sex to connect to our partner, and to experience tenderness, vulnerability and connection.
When you make love, the eye gazing, touching, kissing and especially orgasm, release the bonding hormone, oxytocin. That’s when you get that feeling of love and connection in your heart that ties you to your lover. When you are making love to that person again and again, the love and connection grows deeper. In this way, sex makes the relationship as a whole stronger.
5, Over time, trust and respect grows. Trust enables us to be open, and vulnerable, which allows us to relax and be ourselves – which makes us free to be in the moment and completely enjoy the experience.
6. When you love someone, you want to make them happy. When you know their body and what gives them pleasure, you can provide it cheerfully.
7. You can share your peak, lustful times with your husband. Usually a woman is hottest in the 2nd week of her cycle, culminating midway when she ovulates. That’s when the estrogen that makes her sensitive, particularly in her vagina, and the testosterone that runs her libido, are at their height. Make love then and enjoy intense, sizzling sex.
8. Did you read “50 Shades of Grey?” You don’t have to get depressed; trust enables you to share your fantasies and your desires with your husband. You can keep your sexual life fresh and satisfying by always asking him what he wants and telling him what you want. Together you can experiment and find new, delicious ways to give each other pleasure – over and over again.
9. You are a creative team. Just like you can work together to build a family, income and lifestyle, you can work together to nurture your eroticism. Sharing articles, books, seminars, cds. websites etc. can enable you both to learn new things and to keep developing your sexual understanding and skills.
10. If all this isn’t enough, married couples are healthier, happier, have more energy and live longer. Sex has amazing health benefits, including: lowering stress and blood pressure; boosting the immune system; supporting heart health and reducing heart attacks; reducing pain; reducing prostate cancer risk; improving sleep; and increasing self-esteem. So rock on, married men and women.
What do think, marrieds and singles? What are your experiences, issues and insights? Frank and I would love your feedback.